When John Carpenter and Debra Hill wrote Halloween, they designed the town of Haddonfield as a perfect slice of Americana. It’s pure, distilled suburbia. This town might be specifically set in Illinois, but it could really be anywhere if it weren’t for one fact: It’s almost entirely populated by assholes.
Sure, there are less than savory people in every slasher franchise. They’re a staple. But in Haddonfield, Illinois it’s a community affair. There’s more townwide panic, bullying and vandalism than in any of those other franchises combined. Granted, it might be a seasonal thing. Perhaps the local madman puts everyone on edge around the Halloween season, but from what we’ve seen, there are all too few good people in the town of Haddonfield.
And that’s without even getting into the white trash haven of Rob Zombie’s two Halloween features. Read on for seven reasons why Haddonfield is the most douchebag-ridden town in horror!
The group of tormenting kids in Halloween 4
So, it’s no secret that kids can be terrible to each other. But the bunch of cheaply costumed youngsters in Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers go above and beyond. These kids are making fun of our protagonist, Jamie, for being an orphan. And it’s not subtle, either, they’re really just screaming “Jamie’s an orphan! Jamie’s an orphan!” That’s a new level of awful, even for elementary school children.
Lonnie and the pumpkin smashing gang in Halloween
This one isn’t too out of the ordinary for kids, which is kind of sad, but it’s still hard to see. At the hands of Lonnie Elam, one of our main protagonists—Tommy Doyle—is persecuted simply for the fact that he’s excited for Halloween and has gotten himself a pumpkin. It’s harmless behavior so obviously poor Tommy is a target for torment. Again, though, it’s nothing too out of the ordinary given that kids who turn to TP’ing and egging houses will quickly turn on kids who still enjoy the more innocent side of the holiday.
Deckard and everyone who dismissed his behavior in Halloween: Resurrection
Fourteen year old computer hacker Miles goes by the Internet codename “Deckard” in Halloween: Resurrection and despite never appearing in the same room as any of the core cast he’s basically our co-lead. He’s also engaged in an online relationship with a young woman in college, operating under his aforementioned screen name. His best buddy makes a quick quip about it, but pretty much seems fine with this whole catfishing scenario that Deckard is perpetrating. In fact, his comments are mostly about the idea of online dating in general and not the age of the woman or the fact that he knows her name when she doesn’t know his.
Whoever threw that brick through Jamie’s window in Halloween 5
Poor Jamie Carruthers goes through hell in both Halloween 4 and Halloween 5. Even without including the fact that she’s being stalked by Michael Myers, she gets laughed at and chased out of the school on the hilarious grounds that her mother is dead and one year later has a brick thrown through her window with a note saying “The Evil Child Must Die!” Which is a pretty great, reassuring and confidence boosting thing for a little girl to see. The scene also stands out because it is so out of place in the movie as a whole as no other moment in the film gives us any indication as to how the locals have handled the news of her relation to Michael Myers and the fact that she stabbed—but did not kill—her foster mother.
John Strode, father of the year, in Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
Despite how terribly the residents of the town behave and the shenanigans they get up to, parents in Haddonfield are typically pretty solid people. They seem to love their kids, they seem to be pretty understanding of them and supportive overall. But then there’s John Strode, an absolute waste of space and patriarch of the Strode clan in Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. He hits his kids, he hates his daughter and her son and considers both of them to simply be leeching off of him. Luckily, other members of the family at least weakly attempt to stand up to him and his wife promises to leave him shortly before her untimely death.
Whoever put razor blades in apples in Halloween II
This is one of those classic Halloween urban legends. Everyone hears about the razorblades in apples and how kids have to check their candy, so this brief scene in Halloween II could pretty much be considered a throwaway—except when you consider everything else this town and its people get up to in October. On top of everything else, we have actual Haddonfield citizens putting actual razorblades in actual apples and giving them out to children for a lark. All of a sudden, Michael Myers doesn’t seem like the only guy in town we have to worry about.
Bob the creep in Halloween
Watching Halloween the first time, you might only remember Bob as the obnoxious guy with the van. Or you might be wondering how the girl who’s clearly supposed to be the popular one of the group is sleeping with a guy with no personality and glasses that huge. But the biggest, most uncomfortable thing about Bob is a little line that goes like this: “First you’ll rip my clothes off, then I’ll rip your clothes off, then we’ll rip Lindsey’s clothes off.” It’s a little joke, but not a good one, and why would he make it in the first place. Why would those words even cross through his head? Worse, Linda doesn’t really say anything about it, she just rolls her eyes and has sex with him anyway. Luckily, Bob quickly proved what he was actually good for and provided us with one of the most iconic deaths in the franchise’s history.
